white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
