he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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