Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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