What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
