fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize