so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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