Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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