sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
