I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dignity is for republicans.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
