he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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