you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize