it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
