So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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