When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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