I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
