Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
