I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
