Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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