Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
