if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
