First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
