hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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