Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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