$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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