weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize