Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
