We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
