maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
