Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
