no, he came in my armpit
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
