plz talk dirty to me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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