this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
