I wish I could teleport
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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