okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
