New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
