oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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