You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
