I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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