Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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