my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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