Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
