Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
