just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
