just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
