you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
