Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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