You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
