R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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