Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
