I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your cock deserves a montage
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize