I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
