I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
