Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
