i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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