thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize