I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
