I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
