Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
