Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
