My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am one with the molecules
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
