You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
