I'm going to jail i love you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
