You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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