i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
