I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
