So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
