Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
