Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
