Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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