Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
