I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
