Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
