On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
bring money and cleavage
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
