Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
