Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
