Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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