Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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