There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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