Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
