who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
