A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
