He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Randomize
