I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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