i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
