Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
