and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
