at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
