Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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