my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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