that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
