I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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