Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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