five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
