You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She is in my trunk
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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