On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
