forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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