she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
