i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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