At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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