i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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