I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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