I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
