Will you blow on my dice?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize